As I go throughout life I realize abundant goals, awe-inspiring dreams, and budding potential that is highly reachable. But, there's also another thing I realize more and more along with my life progression. That is the misappropriation of my identity...or in other words, I start to lose myself---getting caught up in prospering pursuits. This idiosyncrasy I refer to as JERK BEHAVIOR!
New Boyz is a jerkin crew and hip-hop/rap duo made up of rappers Earl "Ben J" Benjamin and Dominic "Legacy" Thomas from Hesperia, California. They debuted in summer 2009 with their viral hit, "You're a Jerk", taken from their debut studio album Skinny Jeanz and a Mic, released in September 2009. The song peaked in the top thirty of the Billboard Hot 100, and it was the first song to bring the jerkin' style to the national forefront. 
Jerkin' or Jerk is a Los Angeles dance movement. The Jerk movement started in 2008 in Los Angeles and spread across Southern California. Since 2009, jerkin' has gained fans along the West Coast and is gaining popularity on the East Coast.
The dance itself consists of moving your legs in and out called the "jerk", and doing other moves such as the "reject", "dip", and "pindrop".
Now, I realize that our present day society likes to rephrase things away from their understood meaning. Bad means good. @#!*% means homeboy. Dope means fresh. Stupid means impressive. The funny thing though is you know down deep within that the word is still connected to its root meaning.
As far as I'm concerned, as well as much of society, "Jerk still means jerk!" And, during this past year I have had many episodes of jerk behavior. No, it didn't mean cool or a popular dance move, but it actually meant what it usually means. I was not expressing myself completely in a Godly manner. I'm not going to lie, I have experienced a heap of disappointments, deaths of loved ones, internal hurt, burnout, limitations, physical pain, intense frustration, etc. and it just seemed to hit me all at once. Furthermore, it's like it nearly even climaxed at the beginning of this year...Not a good feeling!
I have to be honest with myself...I was @#!*% ---at myself, at other people, and even pretty mad at life. Unintentionally, I ended up hurting a few people in search of some type of relief from my plight. Since then I have somewhat bounced back from this ordeal and is starting to become again my jubilant self. But, when life comes crashing down on you that's not necessarily a jubilant moment or laughing matter. In addition, when you're the one usually ALWAYS giving out you rarely find others who can put back into you what you've dispersed---comfort, joy, support, etc.---thus it just adds to the problem. Thankfully, I surrendered ALL of it to God and stopped trying to carry it all myself. To make a long story short, I am now at a point in my life where I have to make amends for the damage I caused---even if it was with only a few people.
I have to apologize in speech and action letting them know in no uncertain terms...that I was being a real JERK---with no excuses for it. Oh, what a freeing release to forgive, and make amends (even regardless of the response)! I pray that if you're anything like me you begin doing the same! C'mon, let's get back to our jubilant selves or the best part of us as individuals---ultimately making God look as good as He actually is (in our lives)!